Happy Christmas, here's your jury summons!

Looks like I'm on Santa's 'naughty' list this year...

Hey, remember that time I got called for jury service right before my last book deadline, and had repeated panic attacks about it until I found out I’d been excused?

Well, guess who got called AGAIN, just a few weeks later?!

Yes, having thought I was off the hook after the last time, and once again free to lie awake at night worrying about all of the OTHER problems that currently occupy my mind, I got up on Saturday morning to YET ANOTHER jury citation letter, which, I mean … surely there must be other people in the country they could ask to do this? Surely?!

Apparently it’s just me, though, and the Scottish justice system rests entirely in my feeble hands, which, a) Is quite disturbing, really, and, b) means I once again got to spend my weekend drafting emails asking to be excused (Context on my very specific irrational fears of being made to do jury duty here, if you have a spare hour or so…), pausing occasionally to shake my fists at the sky and scream, “Why me, God? Why?”

Me opening my latest jury duty citation

But! But! It’s Christmas! It’s a time for miracles, and so I’m relieved to be able to report that I was once again excused, and the day was saved, although I have to admit, no one will ever convince me now that the image below isn’t exactly how jury selection works in this country, except the balls are jury citations and the guy in the shorts is me:

And, with that out of the way, it’s time for me to down tools for Christmas. The nativity has been held (Happy to report that Inkeeper # 1 smashed it yet again…); the school Christmas party has been had; Max has literally thrown up from all of the excitement, and I’ve launched a You Tube channel for my books, which, okay, doesn’t actually have anything to do with Christmas, really, but I was struggling to find a way to fit it in to this newsletter naturally, so here we are. Please subscribe, if only so I don’t have to go into 2025 feeling like Amber No Mates. ¹

All that remains, then, is for me to wish you all a very happy Christmas if you’re celebrating, and a fun festive season: although I would kindly request that you please make sure your fun is of the legal variety — especially if you live in Scotland — because it seems that if anyone commits a crime in this country, the jury selection people are immediately all, “Ooh, better get Amber on the case,” and guys, I have enough to do this month already, thanks. ²

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to check in again with you before the end of the year, as, like most people I know, we have a really hectic couple of weeks coming up, so, just in case I don’t, I also just wanted to take this opportunity to say a huge thank-you to everyone who’s supported me this year, either by subscribing to the newsletter or by buying my books. This has been a really, really tough year for us financially, and your support is quite literally the only thing that has kept me out of the Victorian workhouse at some of our lower points, so thank you: I can’t even tell you how much it means to me.

See you on the other side!

1. Other than all of my friends in the jury selection office, obviously, who I now speak to more regularly than some of the people I know in real life.

2. No, I am NEVER going to stop going on about this. Apologies in advance..,