Overthinking Friendship Bracelets

you're on your own kid, you always have been

Well, after two glorious days of sunshine, during which we drank aperol spritz outdoors and got to briefly switch the heating off, we woke up on Monday to find a thick fog had descended on the village overnight. It’s been there ever since¹. It’s like living inside a cloud. One day, many years from now, they will refer to us as The Fog People, and speak in hushed tones about how we eventually adapted to never seeing daylight, and rarely ventured outside. For now, though, I’ve spent the week indoors, endlessly proofreading my book, and occasionally pausing to make friendship bracelets for the Taylor Swift concert next month:

(OK, I bought the top two. I made the rest, though…)

Here are some things I thought while making friendship bracelets:

1. God, I hate this.

2. Why is it so FIDDLY, though?

3. Is it, like, a skill everyone else developed in childhood, but I missed out on because I didn’t have any friends as a child I’m old, and friendship bracelets weren’t a ‘thing’ in the olden days?

4. It’s the ‘not having any friends’ thing, isn’t it?

5. Why did no one ever want to swap friendship bracelets with me as a child?

6. Wow, one bracelet in, and I’m already deep into existential crisis mode. Awesome.

7. I wonder if you can just, like, BUY them online?

8. Oh yeah, you can! (shameless affiliate link)

9. That feels kind of cheaty, though? Is that kind of cheaty?

10. Oh, well. <HITS ‘BUY NOW’ BUTTON'>

11. Wait! I think I’m starting to get the hang of making them!

12. Am quite good, really.

13. I wonder if I should do this professionally?

14. Should I open an Etsy store?

<The bracelet in Amber’s hand dramatically snaps, sending beads scattering far and wide. She will still be finding them years from now.)>

15. Yeah, OK, cancel the Etsy store: I’ll just make them for myself.

16. Well, and all the people I’ll be swapping them with, obviously.

17. Only…

18. Do I absolutely HAVE to swap with people?

19. Because, I’m just thinking, I’ve spent absolutely AGES on these now, and I’ve made them in the colours I like, and for the songs I like. I … don’t really want to just give them AWAY now, do I?

20. I’ve even used the super-special beads with the little sparkly bits from the kit. (Another shameless affiliate link. Look, if you won’t take out a paid subscription…) I don’t want to give those to just anybody, do I?

21. Hey, I wonder if THIS is why I had no friends as a child? Or now?

22. Sings: “No one wanted to play with me as a little kid …”

23. Maybe I could, I don’t know, make some bracelets in the colours I DON’T like, and with the names of my LEAST favourite songs, so I can swap those ones and keep the ‘special’ ones for myself?

24. What’s the etiquette for that, though, I wonder? Like, if someone comes up to me, all, “Hey, bestie, let’s trade friendship bracelets?” is it acceptable for me to just go, “OK, but you can only pick from these ones, because the rest are MINE, and I don’t like you enough to give you one”?

25. I’m thinking “NO”?

15. What about if you agree to trade, but they only have songs you don’t like, like Me! or anything involving Travis Kelce? Is it acceptable to say, “Actually, I’ve changed my mind, I’m not repping ‘Me!’ with my wrist?”

16. Again, I’m thinking, NO?

17. Maybe I shouldn’t make bracelets at all? I mean, I’m clearly undeserving of friendship with this attitude, so why would I need friendship bracelets?

18. It’ll be fine. I bet no one will even ask to trade bracelets with me. People normally instinctively ignore me in group situations anyway.

19. OMG, what if no one wants to trade friendship bracelets with me?!

20. Imagine how mortifying that would be?

21. But also a bit of a relief, really?

22. WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

23. OK, I’ll make some more. Just in case.

24. Wait: I’ve run out of the letter ‘E’.

25. How can I have run out of ‘E’ when I’ve only made a handful of bracelets?

26. Wow, it’s amazing how many songs have the letter ‘E’ in them, isn’t it?

27. Why is Taylor Swift obsessed with the letter ‘E’?

28. Can I stop now?

29. No, really, can I? Because it’s only three weeks to the concert, and I haven’t even started over-thinking my outfit yet? ²

< Another bracelet dramatically snaps. Amber takes this as her cue to end both the bracelet-making and this newsletter about it.>

Until next week, folks,

1. Update: the sun came out as I write this. Wish I could manifest MONEY in this way….

2. Blatant lies: I’ve been over-thinking my outfit FOREVER.