The holidays are over* and now I need a holiday

Instead, I got a haircut

*Well, almost over. School goes back here on Tuesday, which means we technically have another three days to go until we can become productive members of society — or of this household, at least — again, but we’re almost there, folks. I can taste the freedom.

Here are some of the things I’m planning to do once Max is back at school:

• Dust off the exercise bike, because after singing/dancing along to the first two songs at the Eras Tour this summer, I felt like I needed a seat, and this is not like me. I should be able to sing-scream at least FOUR songs, while wildly bouncing around, flailing my arms in the air, surely?

• Start doing pilates, because I was confronted with candid photos of myself on Facebook from my brother-in-law’s party last week, and wow, who is this rounded-shouldered woman with my face and hair, but someone else’s body?

• Get a haircut, because, again, candid photos on Facebook proving that yes, it DOES matter what it looks like from the back.

• Stop living on coffee and Haribo mix, because, obviously.

• Drink 2 liters of water every day instead. Resist impulse to add squash to it, because what am I, 8?

• Start writing my next book.

• Go for long walks, even though it’s raining all the time, and I hate that.

• Come up with some amazing content ideas for this newsletter, because I can’t just keep coasting on these pointless lists, can I?

So it’s ‘New (School) Year, New Me!’ basically. I’m like one of those people who goes around saying, “I don’t know why, but this always feels like the real start of the year to me!” Except… not really, because the thing is, I have absolutely no enthusiasm or energy for any of the things on my list right now. Because it’s just… well, the holidays are tiring when you have kids. Or even just one kid, as is the case with me. There is no downtime. There is no alone time. There’s just no time, basically, which is the exact opposite to how the school holidays should feel — and, indeed, did feel when I was a child myself.

Instead of the long, lazy days everyone seems to be having on Instagram, I feel like I’ve been living in chaos for weeks now, and because I do not cope well with chaos, when my parents took Max for an overnight yesterday and I was suddenly presented with a lengthy block of time in which to do all of the things the school holidays have prevented me from doing, I didn’t do any of them. Instead, I just sat at my desk for a while, aimlessly flicking between my blog and the Reedsy editor I write my books in, then I spent the evening watching Neighbours and drinking wine. New (School) Year, Not-So-New-Me.

I did, however, get the hair cut, courtesy of my hairdresser friend Carol, who came over and listened to my tales of Unflattering Facebook Photos and How They Have Ruined My Life, while cutting a few inches off the ends of my hair. It’s one of those cuts that feels drastic to me, but which literally no one else will notice. I’m hoping it will change my life. That it will make me feel sharper and fresher, and maybe even encourage me to pull my shoulders back when I walk, and drink more water.

Time will tell, I guess. In the meantime, here’s a handy visual representation of me before and after the school holidays, in the form of Max’s well-loved Jellycat, Hever¹, pictured next to a brand new version of the same toy, which my mum bought for her friend’s new grandchild:

Hever, I know how you feel. And I think we all feel a little bit Hever during the school holidays, don’t we? (DON’T WE?) Can I somehow find it in me to be a little bit LESS Hever in the coming weeks, though?

Stay tuned to find out, folks…

1. So named because he was purchased at the Hever Castle gift shop. They sell Jellycat puppies and tea-towels with pictures of Anne Boleyn on them. Great place, tbh.