Things I Learned from Going Viral On TikTok
Also: free ebooks!
First up, there’s no update on this, I’m afraid, and it’s just occurred to me that I should probably have made it clearer that I wasn’t actually expecting one this week, so, yes, sorry if you opened this expecting some kind of exciting update, only to discover that it’s just my usual nonsense. Whoops.
It’s okay, though, because even if That Thing doesn’t work out, this week I somehow managed to go viral on TikTok, which means my problems are over, folks: I’m an influencer now. Soon people will start writing articles about me in which I’m referred to as ‘TikTok star Amber Eve’. I wonder if I’ll be invited onto Love Island? I wonder if I should delete that last sentence before my husband sees it?
Of course, you know what this means, right? It means I’m basically a TikTok expert now. Here’s everything I’ve learned from the experience of going ‘viral’, so that you, too, can become TikTok famous, just like me…
No matter how good your intentions are in replying to every single comment, and returning every follow, you will quickly discover that this is impossible, and surely no one expects you to sit and type responses to over 1,000 comments? Do they?
Because of your failure to reply to everyone, you will now be haunted by a constant, low-level guilt that will accompany you everywhere. Look at you, sitting there watching Paradise, and ignoring all of those nice people who commented on your video! How COULD you?
Bet they’ll all hate you now.
Although you’ll eventually give up replying to absolutely everyone, you WILL still attempt to respond to the dozens of people who comment to ask where they can find your books, because, well, girl’s gotta hustle, right? These books won’t sell themselves, you know.
TikTok won’t sell them either, though, unfortunately, because, although tons of people will ask where they can buy your books, what these people will not, in fact, do, is buy your books. Shame.
“Downloading it now!” they will say. LIES!
“I expect it’s just because the video that went viral isn’t actually promoting a specific book,” you’ll think. “Maybe if I quickly make another video that’s about one of the actual books, that’ll work better.”
You will excitedly make this second video.
TikTok will give it 25 views.
Meanwhile, on the first video, people will still be asking where they can buy your books, and you will still be replying, “Amazon. Amazon is where you can buy books.” You will type this so many times that whenever you try to relax now, your fingers will start automatically air-typing responses, working purely on muscle-memory. Amazon, they will type. Amazon Amazon Amazon. Buy my books on Amazon. On Amazon. You will find them on Amazon. Please find them. Buy the books. On Amazon.
Before long, people will start sending you direct messages.
There will be no apparent purpose to this. “Hello!” they’ll write. And, “hello!” you’ll reply. And …. that’ll be it. End of interaction. You will never know why it happened, and eventually there will be so many of these random “Hello, how are you?” messages that you will stop replying to those too, because there just isn’t enough time in the day to say ‘hello’ to all these people. Now you’re basically just a spoiled TikTok princess who can’t even say ‘hello’ to the people who message you, aren’t you? How can you live with yourself?
And yet, this is what you wanted. You wanted to go viral on TikTok. You wanted thousands of people to be commenting, and messaging, and telling you they like your hair. But … now you’re trying to say it’s all too much, and you just can’t keep up with it? For SHAME, woman.
“Maybe I should open a TikTok shop to sell off signed copies of all those paperbacks I have in stock"?” you’ll think.
You’ll spend hours of your life setting up a TikTok store. It will involve stringent identity checks that will require you to upload your passport, driving license, business registration documentation, plus a single hair plucked from the head of your firstborn child, to a website which may or may not be connected to TikTok. This is a complete pain in the ass, tbh, but you’re driven on by the thought of all the money you’ll soon be raking in, so you do it anyway.
No one will buy anything.
You will be absolutely blown away by how little hate you’re getting, until someone comments to say that the castle in one of your videos actually has links to the Highland clearances, and now you’re the worst person in the world, basically.
“Still,” you’ll think optimistically. “I’ve gone from 600 followers to almost 4,000 in the space of a few days. Just 6,000 more, and I’ll be able to join the TikTok creator fund and become filthy rich!” I’ll make some new videos, which will be carried on the wave of my newfound success, and gain me even MOAR followers. Get me! Am a social media genius!”
All of the new videos will flop.
Your TikTok career is over. RIP.
You will start to question what the point of all of this was, because, as far as you can tell, all you’ve done is type the word “Amazon” over and over again, for no real reason?
You decide to take a step back from TikTok, for ‘tis a fickle platform, which is apparently based purely on chance.
LOL! You CAN’T leave now! Because, after all of that, you find you’re now completely addicted to the dopamine hit of checking your profile and seeing the follower numbers tick (tok) gradually up. It is intoxicating. It’s the first time you’ve felt like you’re actually achieving something in literally months now. And it’s the first time you’ve felt popular in … well, ever. How can you give this up?
More to the point, how can you make it keep happening?
You decide to post one last video. It’s make or break time.
It gets 22 views. BUT…
Almost simultaneously, you get your first ever sale on TikTok Shop.
And so the rollercoaster begins all over again…
So, in conclusion, by this time next week, I’ll either be heading up my new TikTok business empire, and laughing all the way to the bank, or just sobbing into my coffee as yet another opportunity disappears before my eyes.
Which will it be?
Hit the ‘subscribe’ button to find out…
Want free ebooks?
Of course you do!
Sugar Pine Holiday, Shutterbug Holiday and A Kiss is Just a Kiss are all currently free to download (Just click on the titles to go to the download page). She’s a Hot Christmas Mess, meanwhile, is not free, but you can check it out here. Enjoy!
This was a really fun read, cheers.
This was hilarious, and you're a brilliant writer :) Where can one buy your books? :D