The Awkward Girl's Guide to the Week | In Which There Are Questions

(but most of them are about laundry, so don't get too excited...)

Question: do you, too, feel the overpowering need to clean your house from top to bottom every time you leave it to go on a trip, or are you normal?

Because I’m very much in the “clean the house” camp, and that’s why I’ve spent most of this week frantically cleaning, as well as packing for the holiday I should hopefully have started by the time this newsletter goes out. (Unless, of course, the plane has crashed en route, in which case this post will be a bit freaky, really, coming, as it were, from beyond the grave.) (The fact that it will also be my lasting memorial kind of makes me wish I’d put more effort in, tbh. On the plus side, though, at least it won’t be that one about the Taylor Swift tickets, because that really would have been awkward, wouldn’t it?)

Anyway, this whole process has been slightly more complex than it usually would, because I think this is going to be the longest period of time I’ll have spent staying in a hotel (As opposed to a house rental, which is what we normally do when we’re going to be away for longer than a week), and I have questions. Most of which revolve around laundry, to be honest, because seriously, how do people cope without access to a washing machine for two weeks?

Do you just pack 14 entire outfits for everyone (OR 28, if you’re planning to get changed in the evenings? Or 42 if you’re 5, and will be filthy by lunchtime every day?), then spend another week doing laundry when you get home? Do you haul everything to a launderette? Wash it all in the sink? Pay the extortionate hotel laundry fee? Do you just not sweat, so you can re-wear things? No, really, how are you all doing this? Because it’s too late for me now, but you might just be able to save someone else…

Other things that are awkward about packing for a trip:

1. The way you quite happily wear one set of underwear per day at home, but pack with the assumption that you’ll be wetting yourself multiple times each day while you’re away.

2. Knowing it’s going to be over 30 degrees the entire time you’re there, but still wondering if you should take a couple of thick sweaters “just in case”?

3. Two swimsuits or 45?

4. What if I’m unexpectedly invited to a cocktail party, but I’ve only packed beach wear? Should I take a cocktail dress? Should I take three?

5. Your hair care and sun cream collection taking up half your suitcase, so there’s no room for actual clothes.

6. No, I can’t just buy it all when I’m there. Because I don’t want to.

7. The weird need to have a new toothbrush for the trip, even though the old one is still absolutely fine.

8. Not being able to find out if the hairdryer provided will be a REAL hairdryer or one of those ones that are basically just a tube of lukewarm air attached to the wall, so bringing your own “just in case”.

9. Spending half the day watching TikTok videos of people showing you how to fold various things without creasing them, only to end up with everything creased anyway.

10. ALL THE CHARGERS.

11. All the chargers you’re going to have to use the night before you fly, meaning you have to create detailed lists so you don’t forget any of them.

12. ALL THE LISTS.

Moving on, here’s what else I’ve been up to this week…

READING

I FINALLY finished The Four Winds. I know, it felt like that was just going to go on forever, didn’t it? End it did, though, and it ended with me full-on ugly-crying in a way that made me very glad I didn’t save this one for the plane. (And also slightly regret my offer to give to my mum once I was done with it, because I’m basically just about to ruin her life with it, aren’t I?)

I haven’t had a chance to start anything new yet, but here are the books I’ve packed for my holiday:

I pre-ordered the Alex Marwood book over a year ago, and have been saving it so it could be my airplane read for the outbound plane journey. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who does that?) Alex is one of those authors whose books are an instant purchase for me: I’ve loved her writing ever since her days publishing under her real name, Serena Mackesy. Hold My Hand is still one of the creepiest modern gothics I’ve read (and was another airplane read, as I recall), and I’ve been looking forward to The Island of Lost Girls almost as much as I’ve been looking forward to the holiday itself.

The other two authors, meanwhile, are both new to me: I’ve had the Bella Mackie book on my TBR pile for months now, while The Couple at the Table was an impulse purchase at a service station on a long drive home from Kent earlier this year. There was a time BC (Before Children) when three books wouldn’t have been nearly enough for a two week holiday, of course, but given that I’m going to be holidaying with a 5-year-old, I’m not holding out a lot of hope for reading time. I’ve packed my Kindle anyway, though, because I live in hope…

Related: The Ultimate List of the Best Modern Gothic Novels

WATCHING

Honestly, thanks to Max’s new found obsession with the Hindenburg, I’ve mostly been watching this one You Tube video on repeat, and I’m linking it here purely so you can all be as tortured by the song in it as I have been when Max played it for the eleventy-first time in one day.

We also started watching Benidorm this week, purely because we’d run out of stuff to watch, and there are 10 seasons of it available on Netflix right now. I wasn’t really expecting much from this, but, then again, I love both Steve Pemberton (‘The 12 Days of Christine’ from his Inside No. 9 series remains one of the best things I’ve seen on TV in recent years) and Siobhan Finneran, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise that I’d also enjoy this.

So far I’d say it’s a case of like rather than love, but we’re only a few episodes in, so we’ll see.

TRYING

I got my nails done. This was kind of a big deal for me, because the last time I got my nails done was in 2013, for my friend’s wedding, and the time before that was in 2007, for my own, so I’m so not the kind of person who gets her nails done, basically. I can only aspire to being the kind of person who gets her nails done, in fact — which, to me, implies having enough money and time for the maintenance of it, and — crucially — no particular need to use your hands much. And that’s the dream, really, isn’t it?

I, of course, do NOT have the money or time for regular nail maintenance, which is why my hands normally look like I work down a mine, but I’ve always wanted to have glamorous, Lana Del Rey nails, if only for a week or so, and it turns out there’s a nail tech in our street who comes to your house to do it, so Terry arranged it for me as a pre-holiday treat we can’t really afford.

No photos, because I’ve learned my lesson from the post about the green dress, but I am now feeling very glamorous, and only slightly concerned about the possibility of one of them dropping off in the hotel pool.

BUYING

It’s boring, I know, but I’ve mostly been buying sunscreen, and other last minute stuff for the holiday. My Beauty Pie subscription runs out next month, and I ain’t paying £59 just to have the opportunity to buy something if and when I want it (What do they think this is, a Taylor Swift concert?), so I’ve stocked up on my favourite facial SPF, which is an almost exact dupe of a Chanel one I used to buy years ago, which was at least 5X the price.

(If you’re going to check out that link, I’ll also just quickly recommend their neck and chest serum, which is one of those rare products that actually does what it says it will, which is to smooth out those annoying chest wrinkles I’ve started waking up with, thanks to a combination of side sleeping, and… well, age.)

And that’s all I have for you this week, folks. The Awkward Girl’s Guide will be on hiatus for a week or so now because of my holiday, but I’ve scheduled a couple of other posts for you, and, of course, if you really miss me, I’m sure I’ll be obsessively documenting my holiday over on Instagram, as always. See you soon…