The Awkward Girl's Guide to Quiet-Quitting Instagram
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave...
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to quit Instagram for good. Here's how it went:
1. Decide to quit Instagram with immediate effect. Because it's stupid and annoying (The Stated Reason), and no one ever sees my posts anymore anyway (The Actual Reason), so WAH.
2. Think, no, but wait! How will all of my hardcore loyal fans know my life is still boring AF and what the weather's like in Scotland if I don't repeatedly tell them about it through the medium of my sporadic Instagram Stories? How, though?
3. Check Social Blade Stats for the past few days:
4. LOL.
5. Realise that March 6th was the day my book briefly went to #1 on the Kindle chart, and when I posted about it on Stories, no less than 12 of my "loyal fans" apparently thought, "%$£* you, Amber."
6. Further realise these people are not actually “fans”, are they?
7. This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife.
8. Log-out of Instgram account. THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.
9. Log back in, because what if Taylor Swift announces her UK dates and I'm not on Instagram so I have to find out about it from... whatever it is people used to find out about these things before Instagram?
10. Deliberately post nothing. Lose four more followers.
11. Log back out.
12. Consider deleting the app altogether.
13. Remember that my author page there is one of the only things I have to promote my books and connect with readers.
14. OK, I'll just update the author page, then, and to hell with my main account, that I've spent 12 years nurturing, even though it's always annoyed me that someone else claimed the use name @foreveramber before me, only to post a single photo of an alpaca, then disappear forever.
15. Remember that Instagram campaign I was approached about, and which would require me to post a Reel on my main account. It's OK, though, I bet that won't go ahead, anyway.
16. Receive products for Instagram campaign.
17. OK, just this one time, then.
18. Remember second Instagram campaign that will require me to post a Reel on my main account.
19. Two times, two times.
20. Post Reel. Lose 5 followers.
21. AM LITERALLY DONE NOW. FOR GOOD.*
22. *Well, after I post that second Reel, anyway.
So, I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that I decided to quit Instagram, but I ended up just changing my profile picture and posting a couple of Reels. I think I'm maybe quiet-quitting, then. As in, I'm making the absolute minimum effort possible, but without some kind of big, dramatic flounce that will just make me feel stupid when I inevitably come slinking back a few days later. I've said it before, but it really is the Hotel California, basically: you can check out any time you like, but you can never, ever, leave.
Mostly, though, I think it's the people keeping me there. OK, the vast majority of them don't ever see anything I post, but the ones who do are fun and nice (Other than that one guy who keeps DM-ing me photos of his knees. Stop it, Jim.), and sometimes people send me messages asking for advice about something, or just agreeing with me that yes, people who whistle in public really are the worst, and I think I would miss that if I quit for good.
So I'm NOT quitting Instagram, in other words. I will be around significantly less there, though, so if you want to message me about something, it's probably best to drop me a comment here, or, if you subscribe to my newsletter, you should have access to a subscriber chat which I literally just enabled yesterday, so I have no idea how it works, but which I thought I'd better mention in case you do.
Or, you know, just keep messaging me on Insta, because I'm its helpless prisoner, apparently...
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